5.24.90 - 7.24.10

Thursday, July 29, 2010


On Sabbath, July 24, 2010, my life completely changed forever. I've been trying to string words together, but I've been incapable. The best I can do right now is pass along an email that was written by my mom on Friday night...

"There are many words that strike terror into the heart of parents. One phrase is "Mom, I'm ok but I'm calling from the ER". Today the two words were "Family Conference". At 5:00 PM we met with 12 people to be informed of Dustin's prognosis. The results of the biopsy were back and it turns out that even though imaging did not show it and ERCP "brushings" did not show it, Dustin had cancer in his biliary duct that had migrated to his liver. There was still a tumor in a piece of the duct that was used as a conduit and is still in him.

Even without the cancer the team has been having a very difficult time keeping my son alive for the last two days. He was scheduled for a fourth surgery in four days, tomorrow morning. Our family has made the decision to honor Dustin's wishes and tomorrow morning, early, we will allow him to rest. We wish to give time to any family who are local to say goodbye in person.

He went into surgery scared but with the hope he would have a life with more energy with his new liver. He never woke up enough to know differently. While this is hard on the family it is much easier for him. He is in no pain and tomorrow he will finally rest. He loves God very much and God loves him."

Thank you so much my many prayer warriors,

I'm not a very angry person, but I'm incredibly angry irate at God right now.
That being said, my faith in Him is stronger than its ever been.
I have an enormous empty spot inside of me right now, but God's presence in me is stronger than ever.
I'm furious that God didn't answer the one big prayer that we were all praying, but I can see so many answers to prayer throughout this entire thing.

My only comfort right now is that my brother's last thought was, "I'm getting a new liver!"
He never knew he had to have 3 surgeries in 3 days. He never knew he had cancer.
He was filled with joy, hope and the anticipation of a new life.
He is sleeping in Christ and no longer has to suffer or be in pain.
The next thing he is going to see is God's face.

That is the ONLY thing that is getting me & my family through this tragic time.

I'll be seeing you everyday, in everything & when the trumpets sound, little brother, I will see you again. I love you.


ashley said...

it seems so small to write this in a blog comment,
but my heart goes out to you and your family. i am so, so sorry and will be praying.

ilene @ muchloveilly said...

oh tawny i cannot say that i can relate - but i can say that my heart breaks for you and your family; however it is also encouraged by your faith in God. my prayers are with you, girl.

Allison said...

Tawny, it hurts to read this but just know that I'm praying for you and your family. May God grant you all peace during this time. I love you Tawn Tawn!!!

jefferyjustin said...

I am so sorry for your loss.
my prayers are with you,


TIP TOP said...


I'm really hurting for you right now. I am so sorry. Please know that my family and I are praying for you! Let me know if there is anything I can do! I love you Tawns.
I'll be in loma linda next friday and saturday. I know you might be busy or not up to it, but if you are I'd love to see you!


The Sue Chef said...

oh tawny. my prayers are with you and your family. i can only imagine what you guys are going through. since words fail me, the scriptures speak better than i could ever offer.

psalm 46:1-3. "God is our refuge and strength, a very present help in trouble. therefore we will not fear, though the earth be removed, and though the mountains shake with the swelling thereof."


BmoreBedell said...

Thinking of you everyday Tawn. I'm glad you put these pictures up of you and Dustin, it was nice to see.

NUNZ said...

beauitful homie...
you know, i know, we know... yous in my heart homie <3

Erica said...

aw tawns... i just saw this now!
i havent really been online much for a while...

i love you.

<3 eri


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